Stop Bitching, Start Living!

"Some people seem to go through life standing at the complaint counter" 
~Fred Propp Jr.

Complainers are like insect repellents! They create strong impression about themselves with people they talk to, and they are effective in doing their repelling job well! Psychologists say that's the biggest reason why people should change this behavior. Oh yes, there is no dearth of complainers around us, colleague bitching about the boss, neighbor whining about the weather, friend kvetching about the state of politics...expressing helplessness is a common tendency of ineffective people.

 

Getting rid of learned helplessness and whining behavior can be quite liberating, empowering. And the good news is, it can be unlearned. Change is easier for some people than others because not all complainers are the same. I feel there are 3 types of complainers:

1. Habitual Kvetchers suffer from existential angst perhaps - they are stuck in the ditch of their mindless complaining, unable to get out. It takes persistent effort can change themselves.
2. Infected/secondary complainers - complaining is contagious yes, and these folks are like vampires and start their own rant once infected. They may be complaining to gain a common ground with their peers, to get closer to the others. They might be able to overcome this attitude quicker than Habitual Kvetchers.
3. Genuine complainers: The folks have a genuine reason to complain but chances are they end up complaining to the wrong person, in a wrong manner at wrong place. 

How to Change?

• Become aware: ask yourself: "Am I a complainer?" and be honest with your answer - if you are and your answer is "yes" you have just won half the battle!
• Toll Gate: Next time you are about to complain, just stop yourself - try a joke instead or just don't say anything till you have something positive to say.
• Recruit help: entrust a close friend or colleague to alert you when you start - in a subtle way (by blinking at you for instance!)
• Record & Reward: keep a log of your attempts to complain, successes and failures. Reward yourself as you succeed.

Got to Complain?

When you NEED to complain, complain by all means, but make it legitimate. Here is how:

• make sure you are complaining to the right person
• don't blame briefly describe what happened 
• how that effects you and 
• what exactly you want as a possible solution to the problem (don't complain if she has a different solution)
• focus on the problem not people

If you are in the company of a complainer, anticipate situations and subtly avoid those situations. Try helping complainers, most of all, don't get influenced into complaining yourself.

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Habit #4 - I-M-C Syndrome

Inspiration, Motivation and Collaboration are means for achieving ends i.e. vision or mission. Failure to use these powerful tools undermines a leader’s ability to achieve goals/mission as he becomes solely dependent on his position and power to make people do what he wants them to do. People follow because they don’t have a choice and that is bad leadership.

This could happen because of four reasons:

1. Not believing in capacity of people to raise to the occasion, team members are seen either achievers or non-achievers.

Risk Aversion & Fallacy of Assured Benefits

"The quest for certainty blocks the search for meaning.

Uncertainty is the very condition to impel man to unfold his powers."

-Erich Fromm

A study on risk aversive attitudes of farmers in Tanzania (Rosenzweig and Binswanger 1993) shows the impact of choosing 'safer' crops: 20% lesser income.


Similar study on Ethiopian farmer's attitude towards using fertilizers shows the lengths people go to avoid risk, they could have produced 8% more, had they used fertilizers.


In a paper entitled Consumption Risk, Technology Adoption and Poverty Traps, authors (Stefan Dercon and Luc Christiaensen) conclude at one point, risk (avoidance) is  a cause of perpetuating poverty. It seems many folks would rather be stuck in poverty than risk using fertilizers, try new equipment or other, better crops with higher yields.


Now, let us not conclude that risk aversion is limited to farmers of Ethiopia and Tanzania.


Many savvy investors invest in debt instruments because they are considered more 'secure' than equity - despite long term data proving otherwise (Beating the Street - Peter Lynch).


Unit linked investments give sub-optimal returns yet, millions of dollars are poured into these instruments. Most insurance endowment plans in India don’t provide good returns (about 6-8 % CAGR) while well managed mutual funds manage to get 15% CAGR, almost double returns - that apparently doesn't bother a majority of people buying insurance and paying hefty premiums (they are actually contributing to the salary budget of inefficient insurance monoliths). Not surprisingly these traps (oops, schemes) don’t have favorable exit options, lest investors wake up and run away.


That is A LOT to pay for risk protection! Taking measured risks can make people (be it poor farmers or richer urban investors) richer - with far reaching consequences on economies.


Risk avoidance has little to do with education or sophistication (sophisticated urban folks are just more sophisticated in their risk aversion than peasants). Making optimal choices and avoiding poverty traps is actually to do with taking measured risks, making intelligent choices and avoiding comfortable yet sub-optimal choices.